"We don't need more money, we don't need greater success or fame, we don't need the perfect body or even the perfect mate--right now, at this very moment, we have a mind, which is all the equipment we need to achieve complete happiness"
One of the last things in Chapter 2 was to find out what we were seeking in life for happiness. I took out my journal and wrote, aside from the obvious healthy, happy family: to practice yoga more deeply, to finish launching my yoga career, to master an instrument, and to write. I've been looking at it each day since then and so far it has had a small effect. I've gotten up early to do yoga in the morning before the kids are up. I stop to write down ideas for my writing, instead of thinking "oh, I'll just remember that later". I've noodled around with my guitar and djembe drum. Not huge changes, but small ones that have made me, well, happier. I've also written "Prana" (which means "breath") on my big whiteboard to remind myself to breathe through out the day---deep, rich, energizing breaths, and calming breaths when things get out of hand.
As for Chapter 3. The book lists the "first step in seeking happiness is learning". It implores the reader to realize how harmful negative emotions can be. This was a tough one for me. My depressions and delusions get so severe, that I feel powerless against the negative thoughts. I have tried writing the negative thoughts down and then contrasting with positive ones, but sometimes that is too tough. This is one I will have to wrestle with for a while. It's hard to read "the secret to my own happiness, my own good future, is within my own hands...I must not miss that opportunity" when you feel like your life is spiraling out of control.
In this chapter, the Dalai Lama and Dr. Cutler discuss "healthy minds". Healthy, well-adjusted people. What they are like. The Dalai Lama states that "If you maintain a feeling of compassion, loving kindness, then something automatically opens your inner door. Through that, you can communicate much more easily with other people. And that feeling of warmth creates a kind of openness. You'll find that all human beings are just like you, so you'll be able to relate to them more easily". Wow. I have always had the gift of empathy. I can connect with people on their deepest level, even feeling their deepest emotions when they are relating to me. I admit, it does make me feel that I am more like other people. But that isn't always the case. When I'm depressed, or paranoid, I feel like there is no one I can relate to. That nobody understands me or could possibly fathom what I am going through. That's when I feel most alone.
The Dalai Lama's basic principle for mental discipline was:
1. identify and cultivate positive mental states and
2. identify and eliminate negative mental states
The practice of Dharma. So,I have my list from before, things that are positive about me and things that I'd like to improve. To build from there. To do it without a list. I started writing in my journal my complete, unedited thoughts when I was being negative, and also when I was being positive. I found that when I went back to read them, I could hardly believe that the negative comments came from me. They seemed so dark, so hopeless. Meditation also has helped. I breathe in a positive mantra and breathe out a negative feeling that is bothering me. Prayer helps too, I have developed this habbit of crossing myself whenever I have a negative thought so that God will take it away. All of this, of course, is ongoing. Change takes time.
The Dalai Lama goes on to suggest that "Everyday, as soon as you get up, you can develop a sincere positive motivation, thinking 'I will utilize this day in a positive way. I should not waste this very day'. And then, at night before bed, check what you've done, asking yourself 'Did I utilize this day as I planned?' If it went accordingly, then rejoice. If it went wrong, then regret what you did as you critique the day". Starting the day with a positive mantra, that wasn't too bad. Just think a few positive things, imagine the positive things I was going to do with my day, it made me happy. And thinking about them, talking to myself about them, seemed to make the positive things happen more often. It was the evening that was hard. When things did go bad, the last thing I wanted to do before bed was think about it. So, I tried this: I would find the negative and contrast it with a positive. And if I didn't have anything to contrast it with, I crossed myself and gave it up to God. Now do I do this every night and every morning? No, not yet. But the book suggests that with regular repetition and practice, new nerve cells are activated which change the neural connections that had originally been involved in the task. That is my goal. If I can get into regular practice, I can literally change my brain.
The book also touches upon religious aspects, which I am currently struggling with. What I like about this philosophy so far, is that it doesn't have an outward imposed moral judgment on emotions (such as negative thoughts are evil, or coveting is a sin), but that emotions are just negative or positive, simply on the basis of whether they lead to our ultimate happiness. The discipline involved is not imposed, but self-discipline, applied to overcome negative qualities. Simply striving to replace negative thoughts and acts with positive thoughts and acts. Essentially, the teachings of Jesus, in a nutshell. It just feels like major religion (I'm a Catholic), has lost it's prestige and influence to some degree. Less people seem to attend church. I have not been able to bring myself to go--just can't seem to capture that "feeling" like I used to. It seems like the world is inundated with reasons not to believe in anything. But at the same time, there have been no alternatives put in place, no secular ethics. If anything, our pre-occupation with the negative (whether it be the economy, reality tv, or world issues) should in fact lead us closer to religion. I think that we have forgotten that human nature is fundamentally compassionate, because we see so few demonstrations of it in our daily dose of media.
The Dalai Lama writes that "How we perceive ourselves, through learning and understanding,can have a real impact on how we interact with others and how we conduct our daily lives". I think that is what I'll end with. If nothing else, it is my hope in undertaking this journey, that I will change myself from within, and therefore the world around me.
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