We are all familiar with our country's right to the pursuit of happiness. But how many of us are actually in pursuit? What is the secret of being happy?
I feel that before we can be truly happy, we must first give ourselves permission to do so. Being raised Catholic, I was brought up feeling a lot of guilt. Guilt for my sins. Guilt for my thoughts. Guilt for my actions. Being happy, I felt guilty because there were those out there who were not happy, who were suffering, and what right did I have to be happy?
In this first chapter of the book, Dr. Cutler asks the Dalai Lama if he is happy. "Yes, definitely" is his reply. Then Dr. Cutler asks about the suffering of many people, unhappy people, who do harm to themselves despite the hurt it brings them. There is talk of the goals of pyschotherapy, being to alleviate depression but not having a goal of happiness. That is something I can vouch for. I am bipolar, severely, and have seen a psychiatrist for therapy for five years. Our talks are always bringing me to the point where I can "cope". I am one of those people, those hurting souls, that have hurt myself, that have tried to commit suicide. I have been hospitalized three times in the last 5 years. I have been asked many questions, given many suggestions, but never been asked if I am happy, or how I might think I could get there.
The Dalai Lama suggests that this lack of coaching for happiness is because Western medicine looks solely at this lifetime. He talks of the Tibetan word Sem, which broadly defined means "psyche" or "spirit". He speaks of how past imprints from childhood and past lives can affect this life. He also points out that by begining to identify the factors which lead to happiness and those factors which lead to suffering, we can then gradually elimate those factors which lead to suffering, and cultivate those factors which lead to happiness. Simple, yet missing from so many therapy practices.
How often have we been in line for coffee or at the grocery store and we completely ignore those people in line around us? The Dalai Lama speaks of personal happiness which can be as simple as reaching out to others, creating a feeling of community and good will, even if these encounters are brief. Scientific studies also showed that people who felt happy were more likely to help others.
What will I take from this chapter?
1. I will list the factors that foster suffering in my life, and list those that bring me happiness. I will hang this list in a prominent place and try to reduce the negative factors and increase the positive factors.
2. I will try to reach out to others, even for simple and brief encounters. I will foster community and good will.
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