I have a confession to make: I am a recovering yeller. A real, out-of-control, top-of-my-lungs yeller. I would yell when I would drop a glass. I would yell when I stubbed my toe. Worst of all, I would yell at my husband and children.
It was terrible and I felt terrible. But amidst the whirlwind of my daily life with three small children, I didn't see a way to stop. I practiced yoga to try to calm myself, but couldn't seem to carry the principles over to my everyday life. Not until the day when my seven-year-old wrote me a letter.
It was a simple letter, written on a torn-out piece of notebook paper in his scribbley handwriting. All it said was "Mom, I'm sorry I was bad. Please stop yelling at me. It scares me when you yell".
My heart just broke. I sat down and sobbed. I had grown up in a volatile household and now I was creating one for my own children. I had to stop.
I began to take my yoga practice more seriously. I did it daily, learning new and more challenging poses, pushing my body to the edge while pushing my anger out. I practiced new breathing techniques. I meditated. Then, I began to change.
Now I am not going to sit here and tell you that I am a master at yoga. In fact, I am not your typical yogi. I am short and fat (having not lost those pesky baby pounds from my third child). I also have a congenital spinal condition which results in pain and limited range of motion in my back. But yoga has physically, mentally, and spiritually changed my life.
I am proud to say that I have significantly decreased my yelling. While I still have the occasional blow-up, I am much more calm and serene. I use my breathing exercises and my mantra ("serenity now" from George Costanza on the Seinfield series) to get through the anger storms.
I recently got another letter from my seven-year-old. It read "Mom, I love you. You are the funnest and bestest Mom ever". Simple. Straight-forward. Enough said.
